
In order to insure the safety of our guests, you must read and understand
the following terms and conditions of the convention.
ODOR POLICY
We will have installed body odor detectors at every entrance and exit.
Please be sure to wash regularly with soap and use deodorant. Rank guests
will be ejected from the convention without a refund.
WEIGHT/GIRTH POLICY
Due to limitations of the building, our staff of structural engineers
has informed us that no guest over 550 pounds or 63 inches in girth will
be permitted to use stairwells, hallways, or restrooms; nor will said individuals
be allowed on any floor above the third. Chinook Skycrane helicopters will
be available to shuttle our portly guests to convention events.
WEAPONS POLICY
The safety and health of our guests is our paramount concern here at
Ethan eXpo. For that reason, guns, knives, swords, sharpened screwdrivers,
pointed sticks, or any other weapons must be carried at all times. Guests
failing to display or produce a weapon on demand to convention staff may
be ejected. Inexpensive weapons may be purchased at any of the number of
gun shops in town.
EVANGELION POLICY
Selling, displaying, or talking about any article remotely related
to Evangelion (except immediately followed by the word SUCKS) may cause
you to be ejected or shot.
ALCOHOL/TOBACCO/DRUG POLICY
Alcoholic beverages and drugs will be provided free of charge to convention
guests who really know how to party. Chewing or smoking of tobacco products
is required in all public areas of the convention.
GUNDAM POLICY
Convention guests who claim to understand the plot of Gundam will be
denied entrance to the convention.
COMPLAINT POLICY
Complaints about the convention may be addressed by our Roswell field
office. Your complaint will be registered and then you will be anally probed
by aliens under US governmental supervision. You will then wake up 3 days
later with your underwear on your head and a Jackson Five 8-track in your
left hand. You will, of course, remember none of this except under suggestive
hypnotic therapy or during particularly intense episodes of The X Files.
AUTOGRAPH POLICY
Due to the extreme demand, all con attendees names will be placed in
a hat and drawn at random. Selected attendees will be given a can of Krylon
and allowed to autograph one wall in the hotel. There are no exceptions
to this policy.
MENTAL HEALTH POLICY
Unstable or incoherent con attendees will be provided lobotomies free
of charge by our resident surgeon, Dr. Ryo Shiroma. Dr. Shiroma has the
latest equipment available in the Sears Craftsman tool catalog and uses
only the finest Craftsman high carbon steel drill bits.